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Allison Cate's Blog
A good friend recently died unexpectedly. Most of us as adults have experienced death and have learned coping skills, but most children need to be taught how to cope. Up until now, I haven't had reason to explain death to my children, no one they know has died. I did not take my girls to the visitation or memorial service. In my grief, I hid my sadness and told them Mommy and Daddy were going to celebrate our friend Bryan's life, like they celebrate birthdays at life celebrations (Montessori) and birthday parties. It went over well enough but I am still not sure they understand. I found the information below about a child's understanding of death helpful but would like to know if any of you out there have suggestions. Please post a comment if you do.
Studies show that children go through a series of stages in their understanding of death. For example, preschool children usually see death as reversible, temporary, and impersonal. Watching cartoon characters on television miraculously rise up whole again after having been crushed or blown apart tends to reinforce this notion.
Between the ages of five and nine, most children are beginning to realize that death is final and that all living things die, but still they do not see death as personal. They harbor the idea that somehow they can escape through their own ingenuity and efforts. During this stage, children also tend to personify death. They may associate death with a skeleton or the angel of death, and some children have nightmares about them.
From nine or ten through adolescence, children begin to comprehend fully that death is irreversible, that all living things die, and that they too will die some day. Some begin to work on developing philosophical views of life and death. Teenagers, especially, often become intrigued with seeking the meaning of life. Some youngsters react to their fear of death by taking unnecessary chances with their lives. In confronting death, they are trying to overcome their fears by confirming their "control" over mortality.
(development information is from http://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html)
| Comments: | |
| Heidi York(email) Shreveport, LA 04/08/09 |
Allison, I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died when I was 22 and a friend gave me a book called, "The Next Place" by Warren Hanson. It's a beautifully illustrated children's book with a message that rings for all ages. It's worth checking out! |
| Gabe Cate(email) Shreveport, LA 04/07/09 |
It's hard to accept the fact that our kids are growing up and their innocence is challenged each year. Exposing kids to the concept of death is important and crucial to their development, even if it means we must admit we cannot always protect them. |
