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Suki Wessling's Blog
I had an interesting conversation the other day, which included a little personal success. I actually held my tongue when I really, really needed to. I am not always successful at that. In this case I actually had to think to myself, "Don't say it. Hold. Your. Tongue."
The subject in question was schools. The person I was talking to was relating to me what she'd heard about my son's school -- that the kids in the high school were "competitive." This is actually not a criticism I've heard from people who have left the school. It's a tough school once it gets into the upper grades, but they work hard to keep a positive atmosphere.
But that wasn't why I had to hold my tongue.
The fact is, we've been involved in a few too many schools. I'd have to say that my golden number for schools to be involved in before the age of 18 is 2: one preschool, one small elementary through high school. Actually, if we'd lived closer to my son's present school, we could have done preschool there, too. That would have made me happy. I'd love both of my kids to be somewhere that I love that works for both of them for years.
That's never happened.
The positive side of this is that I think I have a pretty realistic view of schools and their fallibility. The friend I was speaking to has had her daughter at only one school. And here's where I had to hold my tongue: I have heard AWFUL things about that school. I considered sending my kids there. I talked to lots of parents there. And some of the things they told me were dreadful!
You might think it odd that I say that not a single dreadful thing I was told was the reason we didn't send our kids there.
Frankly, every school we've been involved with (and as I've said, there are too many) has dreadful stories to be told by people who have left. Or at least, not very flattering stories. The school my son is at so far has escaped dreadful. But I've heard from parents who thought it was too focused on academics, parents who thought the social scene was too narrow for their child. The important thing is that none of the things I've heard makes me think it's not the right place for my son. And so far, it's great for him. But we take education year by year. I've grown out of the fantasy of one school we love. I'll take a couple of schools we can stand.
What I didn't like about my friend's school was that the dreadful things I heard correlated very well with what I saw there. And that they were not necessarily dreadful to other people (my friend thinks the school is fine for her daughter), but they would definitely be dreadful to me. So we took a pass on that one.
I'm always amused to hear bad things about schools that I have inside knowledge of. Just like famous people, there's always someone to say that in fact, she's NOT a nice person at all. For every school, you've got people who don't like it. That's not news.
Now that we've been to so many schools, I feel pretty qualified to tell you what IS news: When you look at a school and what you see correlates with something someone has said to you, and that thing actually matters to you, sit up and take notice. What matters is not what other people think of the school -- what matters is whether the school's values correspond with yours, and whether the school sticks to its values.
And then there's the family problem: When you've got one kid, all you have to do is please the parents and the kid. Then you add another kid, and it gets that much more complicated. One of the schools that we left was great for me; in fact, I'd be happy being one of those moms who gets inspired to become a teacher there. It unfortunately didn't work out for my kids in various ways. And now that one of my kids is doing so well at his school (a full week private school), and the other is doing so well at her school (a part-time public homeschool program), I'm putting the dream of one school we all love on hold...for now.
The thing I like to keep in mind is that no matter how dreadful a story I hear is, there are people working at the school who do it out of love for educating children. And there are parents who send their kids there because they think the school is doing a pretty good job.
So...whatever. I'll be happy to be amused by your stories of how dreadful my kids' schools have been for other people. But don't expect me always to be able to hold my tongue about your school.
For every school, there is a jilted parent out there telling tales out of school.
| Comments: | |
| Lady(email) Santa Cruz, CA 02/05/09 |
You got that right! Gossip, mostly negative garbage, is rampant at all schools, so it's back to doing what's right for each of your children. |
