Happy Holidays!

~by Jenna McCarthy

Dear Family, Friends and Loved Ones,

I am writing today to apologize in advance for the fact that you will not be receiving a holiday gift from me this year. Please don't take it personally; it's not your fault, and I hope you know that you are extremely important to me. Unfortunately, I have exhausted all of my time and money on people I know and love far less than you.

First, there's the time issue. I have thirteen holiday parties to attend in the next week alone, each of which necessitates a covered dish that serves one hundred people. (Isn't the whole idea of a party to provide people with food? I can eat my own sausage balls at home without having to pay a babysitter or put on mascara.) I will be enjoying these parties in between attending the kids' school Holiday Extravaganzas, dirtying my windows with faux-snow (which I'm hoping will distract the children from the fact that they're not getting a trampoline-again-this year), sweeping up broken ornaments, running thirteen miles a day in the hope of squeezing into the one fancy dress I own by New Years, baking bottomless batches of reindeer cookies (slice-and-bake, but still), working overtime to compensate in advance for the three days I plan to take off work while the kids are out of school, running back to the drug store for more Scotch tape and every single day cleaning up tinsel-filled cat puke. So while I care about you deeply, I just don't have time to shop for a personalized token of my affection for you. (I know, you pick up gifts all year long to avoid this mess. I want to be like you, really I do. But I'm not.)

Even if I did have a spare hour to scour eBay, there's the money part. I don't have any. I'm not eating out of dumpsters, but my disposable income has already been fully disposed of. I've written more checks this month than a politician does during an entire campaign and bought more useless trinkets than grandma owned in her lifetime. It may seem unfair, and it is: Unlike you, the recipients of these gifts do not love me unconditionally; in fact, I don't even know some of their first names. Nevertheless, a combination of obligation and fear has rendered me broke. There's my kindly mail carrier (the man has never once given me a dirty look, even as he limps up my front path buried behind stacks of Pottery Barn catalogs), the trash and recycling collectors (who if recognized tend to overlook the overflowing post-holiday bins), my hairdresser (who is booked six months in advance but somehow manages to squeeze me in when I have a root emergency; can you blame me if I'm not willing to jeopardize this relationship?), our arsenal of babysitters (they put up with our kids and we are pretty sure they don't steal our stuff), the FedEx and UPS guys (both of whom have great legs and bring treats for the dog), the gal who scrubs my toilet once a month (she scrubs my toilet!), the person of unknown age, sex and gender who faithfully launches our newspaper almost all the way to the front door (I've grown fond of this luxury), my pedicurist (she wields extremely sharp tools; do I need to say more?), the kids' teachers (frankly if they don't deserve a little holiday cheer, I don't know who does) and of course the gardener (who actually saves me from having to tip a manicurist as well as a pedicurist, so in a way he's a wash). Thankfully, we walk the kids to school, or I understand the bus driver would be expecting a handout as well.

I do hope you understand, and if you've already bought a gift for me, feel free to return it, re-gift it, keep it for yourself or hang onto it until my birthday. Maybe your hairdresser might like it? Just a thought.

Love,
Jenna

Jenna McCarthy is the author of the upcoming book The Parent Trip: From High Heels and Parties to Highchairs and Potties. When she's not cleaning up cat puke, she can be reached at jennamccarthy.com .

This is the season for kids movies... you can click on the ParentClick Movie reviews to find out whether it is worth a trip to the theatres.

• Mr. Margorium's Wonder Emporium (G) - When a young pianist named Molly Mahoney inherits a magical toyshop from her eccentric 243-year-old boss, Mr. Magorium, she struggles with self-doubt, as well as the store's tantrum. But through the friendship of a charismatic little boy and a buttoned-up accountant, she learns to believe in herself, and finds that she does possess enough magic to run Mr. Magorium's shop by finding herself in places she's never imagined.
  
• Fred Claus (PG) Fred Claus has lived almost his entire life in his little brother's very large shadow. Fred tried, but he could never live up to the example set by the younger Nicholas, who was just a perfect, well, Saint. True to form, Nicholas grew up to be the model of giving, while Fred became the polar opposite: a repo man who then steals what he repossesses. -Warner Brothers
  
• Enchanted (PG) - A classic Disney fairytale collides with modern-day New York City in a story about a fairytale princess from the past who is thrust into present-day by an evil queen. Soon after her arrival, Princess Giselle begins to change her views on life and love after meeting a handsome lawyer. Can a storybook view of romance survive in the real world? -Walt Disney 
• Alvin and the Chipmunks (PG) - The live-action/CGI motion picture event brings together the celebrated history of its beloved characters - Dave Seville and singing chipmunks Alvin, Simon and Theodore - adding a new comic sensibility and edge.

Have you ordered your holiday cards, and purchased all your gifts? What do you buy for all the people in your life? For those that have everything, consider making a donation to the recipients favorite charity.

• Grandparents... photos of grandchildren are always popular. Shutterfly – Easily create personalized Photo Books, Cards, and Photo Gifts with your digital pictures. Load your images to the site, drag & drop into the book you choose, add captions and then you are sent a quality album that looks like a coffee table book.
  

• Spouse... most women would love a gift certificate for any type of spa service or a certificate to their favorite clothing store, a magazine subscription. It is hard to go wrong with electronics, hardware or a golf game for husbands.
  

• Kids... Webkinz are the rage! A little stuffed animal that packs a lot of punch. Attached to each animal is a code that gives them access to a great site where they care for their animal, play games, do trivia and more. They can be purchased at amazon or at Hallmark stores.
  

• Teens... Always the most difficult so we like to stick to Amazon gift cards, certificate for clothes, iTunes, make-up, & movie passes.

• Gifts for the Family... A membership to the zoo or a museum is both affordable and something that can be enjoyed throughout the year. Of course games are always a hit and there are fun new ones on the market including Pictureka!, Word Sweep, Pop 5, and IMAgiNiff.
  

The holidays, also known as the 'season for giving', offer opportunities for us all to help others in small and large ways.  Take the time this year to help someone in need:

• Purchase gift cards and give them to a non-profit of your choice to distribute to their clients
• Find a 'Toys for Tots' drives in your community and donate a new, unwrapped toy
• Adopt a family in need through an organization or your Church
• Choose an 'Angel' from a mall tree and shop for someone special
• Purge your children's toys and donate the toys that are in good condition to shelters
• Give globally...
  Heifer International gives families the chance to purchase animals & resources that help families across the globe.
  My Stuff Bags provides "car packages" in the form of a duffel bag filled with a blanket, toys, books & toiletries for kids that have been taken out of their homes.
  

 
Involve your children in the whole process and show them how they have helped someone else have a happier holiday - this is an amazing gift to give your child(ren)!